So, here I am, morning of day four of Lu.pron. Yesterday was blessedly hot-flash-free, and so far, my mood seems to be pretty stable as well. However, do not let this fool you into thinking that the Lu.pron has left me symptom-free…
When I came back from Austin, as is usual when I travel, I stepped on the scale, expecting to have gained a little weight. And as is usual, I had gained about 2 pounds. However, that weight was taken at night, and I usually weigh 1-2 lbs less in the morning (not sure why, but that’s the weight I generally go with). When I’m on vacation, not only do I exercise less, I also tend to eat a bit more, having very little time or ability to cook for myself. And, when I go to Austin, I tend to pack in as much yummy food as I can because I don’t get to eat that kind of stuff very often*. And YES, that food is generally food that isn’t as healthy for me- barbeque, breakfast tacos, migas, wine, wine and more wine, beer, giant bowls of pad thai, creamy tomato soup, pastries, etc. All of it is SO FRICKIN’ GOOD, and SO FEEDS MY SOUL. But it inevitably leads to a bit of weight when I return, that usually disappears within a few days of being back to my usual eating/exercise routine.
Before I left on vacation, I was floating somewhere between 197 and 199, with the occasional pre-period foray up to the edge of 200. But never over 200. So when I came back and weighed 201.5, I kind of freaked out. And so I have been exercising (a *bit* less strenuously b/c of this cycle) and eating better, and just trying to be more careful overall. And I didn’t weigh myself yesterday because I wanted to give myself a bit more time** to let my weight settle before seeing whether or not there was any slight movement in the right direction.
This morning as I prepped the shot (that’s going to be the habit from now on- H will let me prep the shot, but he will do the actual injecting***), I pulled up my shirt to expose my belly, and I realized that the fat I was pinching below my belly button yesterday was difficult to grab because the fat in the area *above* my belly button was pooching out so far that it was pulling the skin tighter, blocking me from getting a good grip. “Hmm. A bit bloated.” I thought, but was sure that it was just puff, and not real weight gain.
Well. I’m sure you can see where this is going, but I weighed myself this morning and I weighed TWO HUNDRED FIVE POUNDS. WHAT. THE. FUUUUUGH. It has been a long time since I’ve been over two hundred. That was a really emotional mark for me, and I have been really, really uptight about keeping myself under that mark, because it was such a hard thing for me to get to. And this isn’t just like, “whoops, the scale’s a bit off.” or “oh, I’m a bit bloated.” This is like FIVE EFFIN’ POUNDS. There’s no two ways about it. Yes, it *could* be water weight, but regardless, I’m freaking out a bit.
I mean, I hate to be one of those people, freaking over five pounds, especially because if this whole thing succeeds, I’ll be gaining far, FAR more than that. But still. This is only day 4 of drugs. This cannot be normal. I mean, I know that the frame around this has several strikes against me- It is typical pre-period time, which usually involves a slight weight gain. It is just after a trip during which I ate foods that are far heavier than my usual diet (though I really kept portions small). I have not been running like I used to for quite some time. But still. 3.5 pounds in two days seems like an awful lot, and psychologically, that 205 number is really messing with my head.
And the suckiest part is that the last thing I want to do right now is try to lose weight. I have no delusions whatsoever that I would make it through this process weighing less than I did before, and honestly, I really expected a weight gain, even a pretty substantial one (considering that my body uses any excuse whatsoever to pack on the pounds). I guess I just wasn’t expecting it to start now and to build so quickly and for the weight to be so seemingly disconnected to exercise and (normal) diet.
So. Entering day 4 of Lu.pron, and while those early side effects were nothing to sneeze at, the one I’m feeling the most “GAAAAH” about is the 6-8 lb weight gain. Did anyone have this issue? If so, what on earth did you do about it? Any tips for mentally surviving the IVF weight gain??? I’d like to think that I can just get over myself, looking toward the future, but it’s feeling pretty frustrating dealing with it now. It seems like there’s more than enough other factors to freak out over during an IVF cycle– do I have to deal with this one, too? And so quickly? And so early?? Doesn’t seem fair…
*Austin eats list- Barbeque from the Salt Lick and/or Railroad BBQ, depending on how far you want to drive, Chicken Salad with BBQ sauce from Ruby’s (which I didn’t get around to on this trip…), migas from Tamale House on Airport (though this time I had to settle for migas at Central Market cafe- good, but nowhere near as good as Tamale House), breakfast tacos (potato, egg and cheese for me, please) from any old roadside stand– taste better than *any* restaurant version, beer at Draught House, specifically the Hacker-Pshorr Weisse which is hard to find on tap in the US, tomato soup at La Madeleine (which I realize is not an Austin-specific thing, but it is a Dallas-based chain, so I’ll call it “Texas”, since we don’t have one in stupid Wuh-Suh), and pad thai from Pei-Wei (again, not that Pei Wei is Austin, but it’s a chain we don’t have here in W-S), and BBQ Tofu OR Mushroom Stroganoff from Mother’s Cafe. Lastly, a special mention to the Deluxe Tomatillo sauce at Chuy’s, an Austin-based chain that I also didn’t get around to visiting during this visit, AND of course, to Amy’s Ice Cream (any flavor. Any flavor at all. Though sweet cream with chocolate sprinkles is my fave), which I also didn’t get to eat this time around… So now that you’ve read this, you’re like, DUH, Kate. You basically ate cheese and cream and eggs and FAT for seven days straight– of COURSE you’ve gained weight!
**Yes, I know, it sometimes takes some time for things to move in the right way, but over the last six or so months of lowered stress and careful monitoring of diet and exercise, I’ve really gotten used to seeing reasonably quick responses to weight loss efforts, with at least a quick stabilization/return to prior weight when I notice the scale creeping upward. Basically, I have not been in a situation where I’ve gone for a workout and *gained* five pounds the next day…
***H and I stood in the kitchen last night for several minutes as he practiced holding the (capped) needle and plunging it quickly toward my belly. And this morning, he insisted that I use ice to numb a bit, because he really didn’t want to hurt me again. And when he approached me with the needle, he hesitated, but I counted down for him, “one, two, three!”, and he used just the right dart-like movement, and I didn’t feel a thing. And the cutest thing EVER, was that after he had injected me and removed the needle, and I had pronounced it a pain-free event, he actually raised his arms, bounced a little and cheered, “YES! HA! I did it! Yaaaay!” I told him that I thought that we must’ve just hit a tender spot yesterday, and he declared that NO, it was due to his precision needle stab this morning that had prevented the pain this time, that it was his hesitation the day before that had caused the hurt. Regardless of how/why, I’m glad that he feels in charge of this task, that he feels a part of it, and that he feels successful at completing his part of this task.