So today’s the day of the big cyst aspiration. It’s really no big deal. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I wrote a big long post yesterday about how the birthday suckiness continues (the only thing I asked H to give me for my birthday was for him to come home early from work tomorrow, but as it turns out, his co-workers have decided to have their departmental meeting tomorrow at 4:30 at a bar, the topic of which will be information H gathered at his conference this weekend, so he really can’t miss it. So. Instead of coming home early, he’ll be drinking at a bar on my birthday with his co-workers, while I sit at home, not drinking because I may or may not be starting stims any day now. So, that’s great.), but then never posted it because it was just whiny drivel that didn’t need to see the light of day. I blame it on the Lupron.
And then, I got to thinking about birthdays from years past. Last year, I was sick on my birthday. Not terribly sick, but feverish and tired and snot-headed. And the year before that, I was okay on my actual birthday, but got horribly sick during our celebration weekend in Chicago the weekend of my birthday. The year before that, I was really, really, really, really sick, like flu kind of sick, and H had to work, and left me alone, weepy, and too sick to get out of bed. And the year before that, I was terribly sick twice, once the week before and once the week after. And I don’t particularly remember the year before that. I think I had a big work thing the week of my birthday and worked nearly 70 hrs that week, and so had a super shitty birthday that year, too.
Anyhow, I was thinking of all of this because this morning, I woke up with a sore throat and achiness and a drippy nose. The achiness could be due to the fact that I ran yesterday for the first (and last) time in a while. And the throat and nose could be allergies from the mold that grows when it won’t. stop. raining. Or I am hoping that the antibiotics that I am taking due to today’s procedure will kill whatever it is (if it is bacterial) or that it will just go away quickly on it’s own if it’s viral. I’m blaming it on the Lupron.
And that set me down the path of thinking that I should check my blog, because I know I’ve blogged about being sick on my birthday, and I thought it would confirm it for me, the timing of my yearly September illness. And that’s when I realized that in the midst of all this cycle stuff and crazy travel, etc., that…
I totally missed my two year blogiversary! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for two years. I can’t believe that it took me almost two years to come to terms with being infertile and being in the right place to move forward with an actual assisted cycle. That’s just crazy. So, two years of Bee In The Bonnet. Yay! Funny how since that first post, everything has changed, yet really NOTHING has changed… (I’m blaming it on the Lupron…)
Tomorrow is the birthday. I get to start the day by having stitches removed from my neck. I then plan to go home and put my pyjamas back on and crawl into bed and watch crappy t.v. all day. After the tears and pit-of-depression feelings I felt when H told me that he would have to cancel his plan to come home early on my birthday (thus denying the one thing I actually wanted for my birthday– yes, I cried, on and off, for several hours. Thanks, Lupron!), I requested that we just treat it like any other day, because I am in an extremely fragile emotional state right now, and I cannot handle any more disappointment on that day, and the universe clearly wants to send me big fat disappointments on my birthday. So, I’ll just stick a big fat middle finger right back at the universe and deny it the opportunity to f*ck with me by declining plans and expectations altogether. Hah. I’m hoping H sticks to that, because I really don’t want to pretend to be happy. I just want to be whiny and moderately sad and “woe-is-me” and have a great big fat pity party for myself, and having someone try to make plans for that day would ruin the wallowing. Nothing is better than a good Lupron wallow…
So. Just a quick few lines, but in summary, I may be getting sick (just like every other year), I have the cyst aspiration today, I forgot my blogiversary, and tomorrow is my (not-anything-like-a-real)birthday.
What’s up with you?