Livin’ la Vida IVF

IVF Cupcake (when no ordinary cupcake will do…)

Step one:
Get a friend to bake you cupcakes. Eat two or three.

Step two:
Sit in bed, watching the Biggest Loser, cussing at psycho Tracey with her psycho eyes, and laugh at their crappy little 100 calorie cupcakes.

Step three:
Remember how delicious cupcakes are. Quickly calculate your calorie consumption for the day and decide that it doesn’t really matter, because cupcakes are THAT GOOD.

Step four:
Get distracted by can of Reddi-Wip. Eat a few squirts straight out of the can. Remember initial Cupcake Mission.

Step five:
Become inspired for joint mission, but while gathering supplies, remember that ice cream goes really, really well with whipped cream and cake.

Step six:
Choose a cupcake (a small one. we don’t want to go overboard, now do we?). Cut cupcake in half. Insert one scoop of butter pecan ice cream (light ice cream, of course. see aforementioned “overboard going” thing…).

Step seven:
Place top back on cupcake. Add some whipped cream for “decoration”.

Step eight:
Remember that you also have brownies from baker-friend. Think about how lovely it would all look with a brownie crumbled over the top. Decide that would be a bit too much lily-gilding.

Step nine:
Place cupcake on plate and retire to bedroom with plate, fork. Pretend for a few seconds that you’ll actually use the fork before picking it up and eating the entire thing in 4 or 5 bites.

Step ten:
Cry a little, because it was over too quickly. Contemplate another round of IVF-cheffery. Remember earlier calorie calculation and decide that one is really enough.

Step eleven:
Wait 45 minutes and then go get a brownie anyway.

Step twelve:
Go to sleep as it is the only thing that will stop you from creating edible circuses of animal cookies and gummi bears and tents made of rice krispie treats housing tiny bales of Frosted Mini Wheats, with pools of melted chocolate Hagen Daaz for Swedish fish to swim in, surrounded by chocolate cliffs made of brownies with mountains of vanilla frosting in the background, with a faint dusting of candied walnuts, all crammed happily into your gaping maw…

Ah, sugar.

I can usually keep my sugar consumption in check, but as evidenced by the above photo, I am lately having a bit of trouble keeping it reasonable. Granted, that really was only the second cupcake I’d eaten, and I didn’t really go back for a brownie (though I really really wanted to), so it wasn’t all that bad considering the current environment (like the fertility-drug-semi-bokeh effect in the back there?). But regardless, there’s obviously some stress eating going on here, and despite some small losses from the prior Lupron-induced peak weight, I really would like to leave this cycle with minimal non-hormone-induced gain, so I should probably try to cut back a little bit. Just a little.

But whatev. It was tasty. Really, really good.

So I spoke with my old boss yesterday. She’s pretty confident that any day now, her higher-up boss will be calling me to have me come in and review my contract. I am going to go with the group’s advice and take the ten hour a week job. While talking with my old boss yesterday, she asked what I would say if M (the higher up boss) wanted to discuss full time hours. And I sounded like a giant wuss when I replied, but I basically stammered through a “No” (no way, no how, nuh-uh), and followed that with excuses about stress and IVF and blah, blah, blah. I will not go back to full-time at this place. Or at any place right now, basically. It would really have to be a magic perfect fit for me to start working full-time again. And frankly, in this case, I wouldn’t have even considered going back to this place, except that I know the job so well, and it’s temporary, and I’d be doing it (at least in part) to allow my old boss(now-friend) to have a less stressful recovery from her back surgery.

Anyhow, I’ll believe it when I actually get the call, but still. It looks like this will be going forward, and I am at least a little happy for the financial freedom this will afford us. If I work 10 hrs a week each week, I’ll be getting a check for about $1400 a month (a big chunk of which needs to be budgeted for taxes) for two months, which will go a long way towards paying down some of the credit card debt we’ve incurred over the last month or two, due partially to IVF percentage payments, but also due to the plethora of other medical co-pays and percentage payments (teeth, dermatology, etc.) and some travel expenses. I hate that we are in this place, and I hate that my being unemployed has caused some part of that, but these are, frankly, unusual expenses for us, and expenses that even if we were both employed, would be financed on a credit card, at least for a short while. So even though it goes against everything I believe about financial responsibility, we are in this place, and having extra income, even for a short while, would be very helpful to get us out of that place.

So that’s my life. So far I’ve kept the googling of “low e2 numbers, should I cry?” to a minimum (consensus from Dr. Google sources is that day 4 numbers should be approx. 80-100 on the low end, but mostly that early numbers don’t matter so much, unless they’re super high), but I’m still fretting over/hoping that Friday’s E2 numbers will be more in range and that my lazy ovaries will have perked up. I bet this is similar to how it feels in an early pregnancy, praying for nausea and sore boobs (only I’ll take my soreness a little south of the boob region). Just any sign that these drugs are doing what they are supposed to do. I have plenty of other symptoms (headache, mild nausea, *ahem* moods *ahem*), but so far, there’s not much in that region that I can differentiate from typical IBS-style knocks and pings in the lower abdomen.

So yes, please keep all the growing thoughts directed at the follicles (as H has been joking with me lately, randomly looking over at me and saying, “Make them grow!!” as though if I just boss them around in the right way, they’ll respond…). I have no reason whatsoever to expect that my body won’t eventually respond in the right way (er, except three decades of medical experience showing that this body is quite the contrarian), but all the same. If I prepare myself for the eventuality of failure, it might sting just a little bit less if I do fail. Sorry for the glass-half-empty attitude. It’s just where I’m at right now.

Anyone else got any fantastic IVF “recipes” for us? Anyone want to make up a story about how their friend had an E2 of 77 on day 4 and ended up with 35 eggs, all of which fertilized into beautiful top-grade embryos, which resulted in a completely uneventful boy-girl twin pregnancy and now have brilliant, beautiful well-behaved children who slept through the night from the day they came home and how breastfeeding resulted in them landing twenty pounds under their pre-pregnancy weight and their mother finally getting off their back about losing weight and their mother-in-law getting off their back about making more grandkids? Anyone??

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14 Responses to Livin’ la Vida IVF

  1. Tracy says:

    My E2 numbers started out low, too. They caught up. Don't be discouraged. And Tracey is SOSOOO CRAAAAAZEEEEE!It's unfortunate I share a name with her. First time she's below the yellow, she's gone!

  2. says:

    that cupcake looks divine! although i'm a brownie person, so that would've been warmed in the microwave first, then the ice creamoh dude, tell me about tracy! no one clapped..seriously…and everyone else seems so kind and loving on that show. lame.woot for work! and woot for saying NO to full time. It sounds like the 10 hours would be just enough 🙂

  3. jenn says:

    LOVE the cupcake & #12 sounds like heaven! I am also feeling the sugar bug- but have absolutely nothing to blame it on except a mild disgruntleness at being broke & unemployed & still feeling run down from a stupid cold, oh- & turning 30 really really soon. Your stash of subtly placed meds is a much better reason!I'm glad you are going for the job- even without the financial bits, it's good to get out of your house & getting paid to do it is always better!Sorry I have no rainbow clad stories for you- just holding onto a ton of hope in my back pocket for ya. word verification is 'etaing' appropriately enough!

  4. jill says:

    Haha! Sorry I don't have a story like that for you (but oh how I laughed when I read it! and when I read about your sugar fantasy land!).That cupcake looks delicious! and I loved the fertility meds back-drop – very fitting.Sending lots of growing thoughts to your kate-llicles! 😉

  5. Photogrl says:

    That cupcake looks divine. No joke, my stomach growled when I laid eyes on it! ;)Low is better than high. At least that's what I'm told.Going back to work part time sounds like the perfect solution..and I know what you mean about the bills.Sending you plenty of ((growing vibes)) to you!

  6. I am so glad I'm not the only person that finds themselves eating crap while watching The Biggest Loser! Last night? Spinach dip & sour dough, followed by a couple chocolate chip cookies. I love the show and find it inspirational, but it always makes me crave junk.Tracy is nuts. I feel so bad for Mo, though I am also convinced the producers will manipulate the show to prevent him from paying the price for her actions.I will keep the growing follies/rising E2 thoughts headed your way.

  7. Sue says:

    I feel like the biggest lazy ass when I watch the Biggest Loser. Those E2 numbers go up quickly – just wait and see. Definitely better to start off low than high. Yay sugar!

  8. LOL, I think I just gained five pounds reading your post! Sending lots of "grow-grow-grow" wishes to your ovaries.

  9. Perhaps I'm being selfish and overly glass-half-full-ish, but I cannot fucking wait to read about what you eat when you get knocked up. I mean, I want you to get pregnant for your own happiness and all, but also for my own entertainment. Cause your sugarland sounds just too damn awesome. I have no useful info on the E2 numbers, but I'm constantly beaming love and good thoughts you way for everything to go tickety-boo.

  10. Samantha says:

    That's a yummy cupcake. I had 46 eggs one cycle, but I only ended up with 7 viable embryos, none of which actually made it. More is definitely not always better – here's to good quality!

  11. Lavender Luz says:

    I like your style, my friend. I and my sweet tooth :-)Wishing you well on the IVF stuff.

  12. Moky says:

    It's a deal, I am emailing you some of my estrogen. Let me know if your firewall blocks the attachment…

  13. Kait says:

    I wish I had that story, but sadly… well I think you know what I'm going to say. I'm sorry things are feeling half-empty. I think that is to be expected. IFers cannot possibly sustain positivity in the face of staggeringly not positive odds. I know that a negative attitude easily clings to me and won't let go. So I say wallow in it – no apologies, no excuses. Then bring that attitude into your contract negotiation (the no apologies, no excuses, not so much the wallowing).Good luck with everything!Kait @

  14. Rachel says:

    That is true cupcake BRILLIANCE. Wishing they made good cupcakes over here … of course, I did eat 2 olliebollen today and plan to have a few more tomorrow (ask H. if you've never had them – hot, freshly made donuts that rival even our beloved local Krispy Kreme). Still, good cupcakes are sadly lacking on this side of the pond (as is self-control, in case that wasn't obvious).

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