What Fresh Hell Is This?

Yeah. No news yet. I sincerely wish I had some sort of productive actions to report, but instead, I just feel more miserable by the day.

Nausea, severe hot flashes, diarrhea (as fun as it sounds!), constant achiness, back pain, cramping (that never goes anywhere), whole body itchiness, heartburn that never goes away, indigestion, bad swelling, headaches, dizziness, total insomnia…

And now, with the added bonus of some serious sinus-infection/cold/flu-like symptoms. What. The. FUUUUUGH.

Meanwhile, everyone else seems to be going into labor (or at least showing signs in that direction), people due 2, 3, or even 4 weeks after me all show signs that their bodies will, in fact, expel their residents at some point. But me? I mean, yeah. I am so incredibly grateful to have avoided preterm labor, but really. It’s taunting me at this point. I am physically miserable, and these boys, given their druthers, would stay inside me FOREVER. I have had the odd contraction, and more of them over the past several days than in the past, but they never go anywhere, and they are all focused solely on my lower back (all the pain, none of the progress). I have TWO babies in there, and my body seems perfectly content to torture me for as long as it damn well pleases. My friend with a singleton, due a week and a half after me, chirpily updates her Facebook status to reflect that she is contracting regularly and headed to the hospital today… I may kill her.

I am almost to the point of complete hysterics. I know I have a forceable eviction date set, but I’m terrified that I’m going to see the OB today, and he’s going to discover that this sinus nonsense is, like, an actual FLU or something, and they will postpone the c-birth. I may lose my mind and perform my very own c-birth a la hari-kari if there is no promise that this pregnancy will be ending in the next couple of days.

And yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. The end sucks. The end is hard. Everyone suffers at the end of their pregnancy, and I know that I have gotten off SO easy throughout this pregnancy, with minimal symptoms for the first 30+ weeks. And I know I am so ridiculously lucky to find myself at this glorious end. I really promise that I know how seriously wonderful it is, how many people would kill to be here, how long I wanted to be here myself. But perspective has totally flown the coop at this point. It is time. I am DONE. Boys, I love you, but GET OUT. Get OUUUUUUUUUUT.

Somehow, they just don’t seem to hear me.

Sigh. It’s not so much that I need the pregnancy to be over (though it is definitely a big part of it), but rather that I need the healing to begin. It’s that I know that getting these boys out is only the first step in an arduous process of rebuilding some semblance of physical normalcy. I cannot begin to recover from 38 weeks of physical insanity (plus the 6-ish prior weeks of IVF torture) until this pregnancy blessedly ends, and I know that the recovery itself will take plenty of time, too. It’s like the doctor telling you, “This will only hurt for a second,” but knowing that they’re going to have to do whatever injurious action over and over and over and over again, never knowing when will be the last time you’ll have to endure that pain. The only thing you know is that Step One is “Removal of Uterus Residents”. It’s crazy-making. You will eventually feel better, but who knows when that might be. Ugh.

RAUS.

In other news, there’s, like, soccer games and stuff going on right now. H is (naturally) a huge fussball fan, so we watched games on both Saturday and Sunday. The US/England game on Saturday was good (resulting in a 1-1 tie, which may as well have been a loss for England, according to their fans… poor Rob Green…), but Germany really performed well against Australia on Sunday (4-0 win, which is a really high score for soccer). And H was really happy, talking to the boys about this player and that, how this one moves the ball well, and that one is a good striker, etc. I foresee many more days of H watching soccer with the boys (um, if they are interested, of course…). “You all stay here and watch the game with Papa. Mommy’s going to a magical place called a BAR! She’ll be home in a few hours!!” Someday…

Today, H’s mom arrives. She lives in Washington State, so she’s making an enormous journey to come out southeast. Her flight leaves reasonably early, but will not arrive until 11:40 p.m., and because it’s so late (and our airport is *tiny*), she will need H to pick her up, because the rental car places are closed then. She can’t find a decent rate online, and so she is waiting until she gets here to see if she can find something better. Luckily, my mother loves a project, and so I have tasked my mom with taking H’s mom here and there to search for a rental car on Tuesday. Given my current physical/mental state, I presume that the only thing I’ll absolutely “want” to do will be to sit in bed and drip snot all over the place and complain about my hips and back. We’ll see.

In packing for the hospital, I seriously considered packing a giant bottle of my favorite red wine, but thought that perhaps my doctor wouldn’t be so fond of me mixing pain meds with alcohol (nor would my babies be particularly fond of consuming my alcohol-tainted milk/colostrum… actually, they may be quite fond of it, but I don’t know that it’s the best thing for them, health-wise… Don’t fret, Red Zinfandel. I will get to you soon enough.). So, instead, I packed a shitload of chocolate (Reese’s miniatures, Cadbury Fruit and Nut), crackers (the cheese or pb-filled kind), almonds, magic pooping cookies, dried fruit, and gummi bears. I’m a snack fiend generally, and I’ve spent time at this hospital before, and I know that their food SUCKS and is unreliable in it’s delivery, so it seems like it might be a good idea to bring some food of my own to tide me over between (possible) meals. Any other snacks you’d recommend? Should I just demand that visitors not be allowed admittance without some sort of outside meal or tasty treat?

Ah. Two more days. That is my chant. Two. More. Days. Two more nights of horrid discomfort and no sleep before I begin even more nights of slightly-reduced discomfort and interrupted sleep. Here’s hoping that 48 hrs from now finds me with babies on the outside.

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19 Responses to What Fresh Hell Is This?

  1. Brandy says:

    I know it's awful, but diarrhea is a good sign that things are getting started! Hang in there, it won't be long!www.brandysheaif.blogspot.com

  2. SassyMama says:

    Ugh.Sorry you are so mightily uncomfortable.VERY happy C-sect date two days away!

  3. Melis.sa says:

    I hope the flu symptoms go away!!!C'mon boys!!TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. amy says:

    Oh Kate! You are so close! All of those symptoms sound like pre-labor to me…which I realize you could just as soon skip because of your scheduled c. If it makes you feel any better, in a few days you'll probably completely forget how awful you feel right now. Do whatever you can to get through…watch movies, read trashy magazines, haircut/pedicure/wax (I kid, I kid) if you're feeling up to it. You are, like, the most important person in the world right now. I'm so proud of you for making it so far!

  5. Tara says:

    Hmm, sounds suspiciously like pre-labor to me too. Yay! 48 hours is a drop in the bucket. Enjoy this last bit of time with the boys on the inside. Don't forget to take one last belly photo (and at least one post-partum). Someone *cough, cough* forgot herself. Good Luck! Can't wait to meet your sons!

  6. Sue says:

    I think you sound very close to evicting your residents. Best of luck! I'll be traveling on June 16th if you make it until then, but I'll be thinking of you.

  7. Rachel says:

    Two more days! I can't believe that you are so very close (although it really sounds like you're, well, more than ready).I do hope that H has planned something sweet for tomorrow. Movie rental? Dessert delivered to your favorite spot on the couch?While you are right to expect a long recovery, I do hope that you will be careful to moderate your goals so that you are not seeking unreasonable levels of fitness (everyone wears their maternity clothes post-partum – I still had some in the closet at 18-months post-partum when the great gas baby debacle started), the backaches, etc. will take days to improve. Not to be depressing at all. It will be great to be on the path to recovery, just worth reminding yourself that it is a long path.2 days!

  8. Photogrl says:

    Two more days. Two more days. TWO more days!!!I'm so sorry that you're really feeling rough…but a lot of your symptoms sound an awful lot like the beginning of labor. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but maybe your water will break and it will be time!I don't know how you watch the soccer with the noise of those horns! It sounds like a swarm of bees to me…drives me crazy! Hang in there, Momma…the end is near!

  9. It does sound like things are tuning up in there… in any case, hoping for a short wait or a seemingly short wait until you meet your sparks.You snacks sound very yummy. The only thing I'd recommend in addition is something protein-y. Especially since you will likely be in the hospital for a while, and as you are getting your milk in you are going to be hungry like you've never been hungry before, even during pregnancy. (At least, that's how it was for me.) So pack some nuts, a jar of peanut butter, those tuna snack packs – whatever you like that will fill you up a bit more than sweet, sweet candy.

  10. If I was you… and was actually letting people come and see me in the hospital (I have made a strict proclamation that those visiting me in the hospital will be ripped limb from limb- most especially if they wake either me, or baby)I would demand food on admission. I would probably demand that they call first though and determine which foods have already been presented, and which foods are most palatable/ wanted at that moment… with the disclaimer that those foods could change at any time…But I am evil and selfish and demanding… Personally, I can't believe you haven't forcibly evicted the babies yet!! I was threatening to remove my own sutures with kitchen scissors and evict my SINGLE baby a week ago!!! Hang in there! It will all get better soon… or it won't… you'll be too sleep-deprived to care though!! And you'll have BABIES!!! sweet, sweet babies… and babies make everything better!!

  11. strongblonde says:

    diarrhea + back pain = you're getting so close 🙂 can't wait for more updates!

  12. strongblonde says:

    diarrhea + back pain = you're getting so close 🙂 can't wait for more updates!

  13. Ellen K. says:

    Sounds like pre-labor, but I am SO glad you have a scheduled C, and I don't think the OB will change his mind about that.Did you pack granny pants? You'll need them. Ditto the protein recommendations — peanut butter crackers, nuts, etc. Try to limit the visits. On the last full day in the hospital, we had 14 visitors, many of whom stayed for 20 minutes or more, and my blood pressure was through the roof that night because I had spent too much time on my feet. One more thing — Do not be afraid to send the boys to the nursery at night. I know Dr. Sears, Penelope Leach, and the attachment crew all urge rooming in, but you have twins, you are going to have a C-section (major surgery), and you'll have nurses, OBs, pediatricians, and social workers and all sorts of people constantly, CONSTANTLY coming into your maternity room. Take advantage of the nursery if you are physically and emotionally exhausted at bedtime. Let the nurses help you. You won't have this kind of professional help once you come home. If your milk comes in, the nurses can bring the boys to you for feedings. Enjoy your last day as much as possible. The last day of this part of your life! Eek!

  14. Ish on the feeling crummy. Holy CRAP on two more days! I hope that you are feeling up to doing something of your choosing that is more exciting than sniffling in your bed tomorrow.

  15. Babies, wine and gummy bears…. ok, this post was filled with ALL of my favorite things :-)I am sorry for the pain you are going through but I know it will be worth it and you will get through this- hari-kari or in the hospital. I know the only gummi bears that enter your mouth are Haribo, no? Let me know when you are *wine friendly* and I will gladly hook your happy ass up!YAY babies are almost here….. I am so excited for you!

  16. tireegal68 says:

    oh god this sounds like serious hell to me!Did you tell the doc about the itchy skin? I think it sometimes signals a need for a quick birth. Not a doc but my SIL had that and baby was fine just had to be monitored.I really hope that you get to have these babies soon and that you give yourself lots of time to recuperate and to enjoy the babies. Are you getting help? fingers crossed for a smooth and safe delivery!

  17. jenn says:

    I also think some of this sounds like pre-labor! Ditto the food requests- all visitors must bring food with them- love that idea!We had Caiden room in for the most part, but there were still moments that at 4am I had to send her back. It was nice to have the option to get a little bit of sleep since the second you go home that's pretty much over for the next — weeks.Enjoy your last day!!

  18. ONE more day! Tomorrow your babies will be with you! I'm so excited 🙂 (though a bit jealous that your babies will be out before I get any relief from my giant follicles) (but I guess it is fair since you have been miserable for month and I have just been miserable for a week.)

  19. Star says:

    Congratulations on making it to 38 weeks! It has been hard on you, but every day they stay in is good for their health, and this discomfort will soon be forgotten. Hang in there — only one more day!

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