Nope, nope, nope.

No, the boys haven’t made any progress yet towards being born. But TOO BAD for them, because the caesarian birth is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. tomorrow.

H and I had our pre-operative appointment at the hospital today. We got all checked in, and were given three THOUSAND critical bits of information, none of which I remember right now, except don’t eat or drink after midnight (Gremlin?) and be at the hospital at 8:30 a.m. The rest is all to do with post-surgery stuff, where guests can wait, taking pictures, who goes where at what point and I assume that if I have questions, someone will be available to answer them, probably. And if not, none of that stuff is mission-critical anyway.

If possible, I feel even worse today than I did yesterday. I can’t seem to sleep for more than an hour at a time, and this sinus crap is *really* annoying. I’ve been cleared to take Su.dafed, if I want to, but it wires me up (um, because it’s SPEED), so I obviously don’t want to take it at bed time, which is when I most need it. And of course, Benadry.l has begun to have little to no effect on me. I slept fitfully from 11 p.m. to 2 a.m. last night, waking up every hour, and then remained awake from 2-4 a.m., when I finally crashed (again, fitfully) until 8:00 a.m. I just feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, which isn’t exactly the feeling I want to have the day before I go in for major surgery/parent-becoming, etc.

Which, speaking of…

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I’m going to be someone’s mom. I’M GOING TO BE SOMEONE’S MOM.

I mean, I knew this was the eventual (and much desired) outcome, but OH MY GOD. I’m freaking out a little bit over this. Everything, every-single-tiny-thing, is going to change. Good, bad, gorgeous or ugly, EVERYTHING is going to be different after tomorrow.

I guess it’s too late to change my mind, huh?

I kid, of course, but yeah. I’m being hit by a big dose of the freakout right now. Monumental occasion happening tomorrow. I feel like I should be over the moon happy (I am), but at the same time, there’s so much else to feel that I’m having a really hard time sorting it out. This would be the one disadvantage of a scheduled birth. If things were left to progress naturally, I’d be taken by surprise (at least a little), and I wouldn’t have all this ramp-up time to think, “Ah, this is my last breakfast. My last lunch, my last moments of individuality,” etc. Why must I imbue every moment with wistful remembrances of totally unimportant moments? Not necessary.

But, this is how things have turned out. And this is what I have been waiting so long for. And a surgery that I have been wishing to happen for weeks now. I am very much ready, SO ready to become a mother, so ready to start the recovery, but all the same, feeling quite nervous about the whole thing.

EVERYTHING is going to change.

Weird.

In what can only be chalked up to incredible coincidence, synchronicity at it’s most beautiful, tomorrow marks seven years since the party where H and I found each other. Seven years since the party where this happened… I had completely forgotten, and frankly, H and I had always hotly contested the actual date of the occurrence (he going earlier in June, me claiming later), but the party’s hostess commented on Facebook today with a “Happy (Trouble Boots) Anniversary”, and I realized that, aha! I had informed the hostess back then that I would, indeed, be strapping on my knee-high, steep-heeled “trouble boots” and starting some tartish trouble with someone at her party that year. And indeed I did. Little did I know that seven years later, he and I would be starting some decidedly serious “double trouble” of our own…

Weird.

Yeah. So, tomorrow. I am bringing my laptop to the hospital, and if I’m up for it, I’ll post (or have H post) something letting everyone know that they’ve arrived… Sigh. What a different world this will be in only a matter of hours…

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26 Responses to Nope, nope, nope.

  1. Marie says:

    Yay, Yay, YAY. Go out somewhere fancy/good/unchild friendly for dinner. I haven't been to one of those restraunts or even a Red Lobster in 9 months. Dooo it. And eat a whole shit ton(if you can make the room lol).Bake some brownies so you will have something to look forward to when they let you eat.Bring your own pillow to the hospital and don't forget houseshoes. Yay again!!The night before I had Connor I just sat outside under the stars after a big dinner at Red Lobster, of course.

  2. JJ says:

    Eviction day TOMORROW!! So excited for you both! Cant believe it! Sending you loads of good thoughts and cant wait to meet the little guys! Loads of hugs!

  3. Wishing you and your boys a happy delivery tomorrow! I can't wait to see them :)All my love!

  4. PJ says:

    Ahahahhhhaaaaaaa! @ Holy fucking shit, I'm going to be someone's mom! I feel the same way! I want it to happen so badly, and yet I'm scared shitless.I have a sinus/chest congestion thing. Stuffy nose/crackley nasty cough. I sound like crap. What's up with that, being sick before having babies? Blech! I'm SOOOOOOOO excited for you!

  5. luxzia says:

    It's funny about time and how fast it goes — I was thinking that it's been four years since that wonderful amazing European summer of soccer and love when I was wondering through central Europe… and how it's been thirteen years since I first met you in that weird little coffee shop of yore.I never ever ever imagined on that night seven years ago, when I dragged H to that bar with the wunderkinds of evil what the result(s) would be. It gives my heart a great deal of happiness to know not only that random decision ended up giving two of the best people I've ever known happiness together and now their children (although I rarely wax sentimental, I'm tearing up at happiness for all of you).Oh the best tomorrow! My thoughts shall be with you!Much love and many hugs from SF.And btw – I'm sure the both of you are nervous and anxious. But, as my perma-zen best friend and much adored ex always says, everything is going to be ok, and indeed here, it's going to be way better than ok. It's going to be the most fantastic adventure of life 🙂

  6. Melis.sa says:

    So exciting!!!Congratulations on 7 years of fun…!!!WOOT WOOT!!!~ those times in the middle of the night when you've been awake is the exact schedule my daughter had while she was a newborn 🙂 You're going to be a mommy!!

  7. Hooray!!! Tooooooooomorrow toooomorrow I love ya tomoorow!!!yay!! So excited for you!! And the "eeek!! I'm gonna be a mom!!!" moments- TOTALLY par for the course!I had the exact same omg moment last week in L&D- kept thinking, oh crap, what am I doing… I think I might have changed my mind I'm not ready for this baby… etc etc etc… But yeah- you're TOTALLY gonna rock the mom-hood!! Can't wait to see pics of those little guys!!!

  8. strongblonde says:

    omg. tomorrow 🙂 wahoo!!!enjoy tonight!

  9. Yep, I remember having feelings very similar to that almost 3 years ago on the eve of our boys' "eviction."I'm so excited for you and your new journey about to begin!!

  10. Shelly says:

    WOW….I will be following your posts!

  11. Samantha says:

    Good luck tomorrow! Hope H can update!

  12. Yay, and looking forward to reading your next update. Sorry you feel so dreadful, but of course … full-term! With twins! In an unusually early arrival of summer weather! Have I ever mentioned that I think for women with healthy pregnancies the main point of the 9th month is to prepare the mom for labor, in the sense of figuring "anything would be better than this?" Not directly useful in your case, I know …

  13. Kait says:

    GOOD LUCK!!! I can't wait to hear how it went!!!!

  14. I hope tomorrow is magical for your entire family. Congratulations in advance!

  15. Io says:

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Good luck and enjoy meeting the boys on the outside!

  16. Ellen K. says:

    Ooh, I'm so excited for you, and so happy. Yay for twins!!!! And your boys will be absolutely mortified if they ever learn the history of their birthday, ha ha.You are going to be a mom! FWIW, I sobbed the entire way to the hospital after my water broke. I was scared to death — not of L&D, but of all the changes ahead.

  17. Woo-hoo! So excited for you, Kate! NO pressure in posting right away, gal. You need some serious FAMILY time with the boys. But with that said … cannot WAIT to see pictures. And BTW … you will be an absolutely EXCELLENT mother. xoxoEm

  18. Katrin says:

    Good luck for tomorrow! Can´t wait to see pictures 🙂

  19. cindyhoo2 says:

    Yay and many congrats. I can only imagine how equally ready and anxious you are right now to have these babies. I can't wait to see the next step!!!

  20. Photogrl says:

    You're already at the hospital by now, being prepped, I'm sure…Woo-hoo! The day has come!And how sweet that it's the 7th anniversary of "Der Kuss"!!!I'll be thinking about you and H. welcoming your boys to this world this morning.I'm SO happy for you!!!

  21. Shinejil says:

    Good luck, dear! I hope everything today goes beautifully, you have a joyful first day with your sweeties, and that you recover swiftly!

  22. amy says:

    Thinking of you! I can't wait to hear the good news and see those little boys!

  23. Congrats to you both! You'll make awesome parents :-)I am so excited for your new journey!

  24. Thinking of you and those babies! Hope you're recovering nicely with two(!) bundles of squirmy joy.*HUGS*

  25. Molly says:

    You have babies! RIGHT NOW! Can't wait to hear all about it. :)-PiquantMolly

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