-Mom is gone, and I am profoundly sad about it. I’ve gotten so used to having her around. Despite our past disagreements, she was really great while here. Sniping comments were at an all-time low, and she really was here to do what she could to help me care for the boys. I have to admit: I’m terrified to do it on my own when H goes back to work on Monday. Of course, it’s not just her extra hands to help with the babies that I’ll miss. I generally don’t mind being on my own throughout the day, as I’ve been pretty much spending my days by myself for the better part of two years now (with the exception of school for an hour or two a day during the first nine months of that), but it’s been nice to have someone stop by during the day, just for the chance to chat. We spent most every day while she was here running errands or going for lunch, or planning dinner. It’s kind of lonely now. Sigh.
Anyway, tomorrow is the true test, I think. H is technically only gone for a half-day, but that’s still 4 hours on my own with babies that may or may not be screamy (but probably screamy).
–That’s the sad thing. They are super-screamy, but most of the time (unless it’s hunger or reflux) as long as you can pick them up and hold them, bounce them, etc., they calm down fairly easily. But when there’s two, there’s very little you can do to calm both at once, and so what starts as a little fussing or slight crying turns into screams and wails and full-on fits because I cannot get to them fast enough or hold them forever, etc. Twin mom guilt is a serious thing. I get the idea that either of these boys would actually be quite delightful babies if they were born separately.
–Speaking of hunger, good GOD, they eat a lot. I mean, like, they keep going through days where they eat every hour on the hour (meaning that I start feeding at 10:00, finish at 10:30-ish, burp them, change them, and then, they scream for 15 minutes until I relent and feed them again. They appear to be gaining weight, and they have plenty of poopy and wets, so I’m pretty sure they’re getting enough, but I really hope this ends soon. I hear that it’s not uncommon to have phases like this, but it’s killing me. It’s making me want to stop breast feeding, because my nipples are pink and burny-feeling (though after a single, blessed 3 hour break, they no longer feel like that, so I know it’s the frequency, and not a poor latch or anything like that), and I’m tired, and it’s clear that they are STARVING all the time, and I start to resent them, and I hate that. I actually slammed the door to the bathroom this morning after being awoken for the third hour *just* after managing to fall back asleep, because He.nry had awoken AGAIN, demanding to be fed, and I was just at my wit’s end. I seriously don’t know what to do in these circumstances. If they are eating until the breast is empty (usually takes about 20 minutes, but I nurse them for as long as they want, which is usually 30 minutes)), how on EARTH can they be hungry again just a few minutes later? And how can that pattern hold ALL FRICKIN’ DAY?
After a day or two like that, they seem to fall back into the pattern of eating every 2-3 hours (but usually more like every 2 hrs), but sadly, they choose different days to be like this, and since I’m attempting to keep them on similar schedules, I end up with a half asleep baby trying to nurse while his brother screams his fool head off because I can’t whip out the boob fast enough.
–Along those lines, how in the world does one manage to nurse lying down? Books and websites throw it out as some sort of easy-peasy solution (instructions: lay down. nurse.), but I guess my nipples don’t point the right direction, because unless I want to suffocate my babies, then I cannot figure out how to get mouth and nipple lined up in such a way as to allow a boy to eat.
–um, yeah. Post ends as usual, with one-handed typing while both babies scream… yes, it is as pleasant as it sounds…