The Good, The Bad and The Kinda Scary

Babies are sleeping through the night (mostly) and have been for a while (mostly). Did I mention that here yet? I can’t remember. I think I started a post about it, but dropped it like a hot potato when I realized how I might be tempting fate. So, Fate, be on notice– I say this with the utmost respect for whatever sacrifice was made that allowed me to have two babies who (after more than nine months) finally sleep through the night.

Of course, by “sleep through the night”, I mean that they typically go down around 8:30 or so, and they may stir a few times, looking for a cuddle or a pat, but don’t actually wake until 5:30 a.m. or so, at which point, they nurse and go back to sleep for another couple of hours. And sometimes, they even skip that 5:30 feeding, which is awesome.

The Bad:
I have no time for anything anymore. I’m enjoying every second of this life I’m leading, but I’m wholly unable to get even the most basic of tasks completed (move laundry from washer to dryer, make a 30-second phone call, return an email, etc.). Why, you ask? Why can I not just leave the boys in the (what I thought was) well-childproofed playroom and dash off for a few seconds?

Ah, because one of my children is Jack. And Jack is Mobile (note the capital M there). This child is going to be the death of me:

And then, of course, there’s the fact that when I run out of the room for a few minutes, I miss things like this:

So, you know. It’s been hard to make time for blogging and commenting, etc. when I cannot even get enough time alone to pee, much less to actually type a cohesive string of thoughts.

The Kinda Scary:

So, I can’t remember if I mentioned it here or not. I think I did, but you know, I can’t remember anything these days (I really am convinced that my brain is still shrunken from pregnancy/early-infancy-parenting, etc.). ANYWAY, in the case I didn’t mention it and/or you didn’t read it or your brain is similarly afflicted, I had a weird bout of dizziness last month, combined with some visual disturbances and a headache. I get migraines, and one of the hallmarks of my particular flavor of migraine is that they come with blank spots in my vision. VERY disturbing, but among the various migraine symptoms, the blank spots just aren’t that big of a deal. So, last month, I had that spell of dizziness/visual issues, and I took myself to the after-hours clinic, thinking that it was probably a migraine coming on. And as I began describing my symptoms to the doctor, she stopped me and said that she really thought I should go to the ER, because dizziness, headache and visual issues in combination can mean something really scary and they didn’t have the equipment to diagnose me. (Hey, I did blog about this, right? About the MRI being horrible? Yeah, I think so.)

So, anyway, after that one episode of dizziness, which was really more of a kind of brown-out, pre-passing-out kind of feeling (everything starts to sound really far away, tunneling of my vision, panicky, unsettled feeling), I was okay for a couple of weeks. And then, this past Saturday, it came back while I was out at dinner with H and the boys. And then, it came back again on Tuesday morning. And again Tuesday evening. Only this time, there was no real headache (just a little normal headache that seems omnipresent in the world of twin parenting) or blank spots. And so, after Tuesday morning’s episode, I went back to the after-hours clinic (couldn’t get an appointment with my doc until the next day), and they tested and found nothing wrong (bloodwork, EKG, various simple neurological tests). The doctor there suggested seeing a cardiologist, because I’ve had heart palpitations lately (actually, I’ve had them all my life, I think), and seeing a neurologist. And just because I’m a freak, I also saw my regular primary doc on Wednesday morning and she agreed that a neurologist/cardiologist is the way to go forward.

Options on the table right now for possible diagnosis are:
1. Weird migraines that never progress to full-blown headaches
2. Blood sugar fluctuations (currently on a higher protein/lower sugar diet to see if that helps)
3. Small seizures (when it happens, I often have moderate aphasia and it also seems that it might possibly be triggered by high-pitched sounds)
4. Cardiac issues

While (1) and (2) aren’t yippie-skippy-happy things to deal with, (3) and (4) are 100% the opposite of yippie-skippy-happy. They kinda scare the shit out of me, frankly. I mean, it’s probably nothing, but all the same, I’d really like to know what’s going on that causes this. It is really scary being at home with the boys by myself and feeling like I’m not entirely certain of the durability of my consciousness. After talking with my mom this evening, she told me that this was the exact kind of anxiety reaction she used to have when confronted with heights and/or other panic situations. So I suppose that it’s also possible that these episodes are driven by anxiety, though at times when it happens, I’m not aware of any thoughts that usually trigger panic attacks (though, yes, it does feel somewhat like panic attacks I’ve had before, I guess).

So. I meet with the cardiologist on Monday. We will do a 24-hr monitoring and also just a general appointment. My neurologist appointment isn’t until week after next, so here’s hoping it’s NOT small seizures, ‘cos that’s a long damn time to go untreated if it IS something in the seizure arena. I haven’t had another episode since Tuesday, not a full-blown one at least. There have been some moments when I’ve felt some of the word loss and some slight fuzziness, or where I’ve had some tightness in my chest (though it was an extremely high pollen day today and I haven’t started taking my asthma/allergy meds yet this season), BUT I haven’t had a complete scary-as-hell, oh-my-god-am-I-about-to-pass-out moment since Tuesday.

Ahem. So, there we have it. The good (YAY, sleep!), the bad (oh, you monkey-children!) and the scary (wtf is up with my head, dude). How are things in your world? Smoother than over here, I hope. I welcome any and all advice/comments/commiseration, etc. I’m honestly just desperate to find out what’s going on and more desperate to just feel normal again. Sigh.

And now, I think I’ll head to bed and enjoy some of that uninterrupted sleep. Did I mention it? They’re BOTH sleeping through the night! Hallelujah!

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10 Responses to The Good, The Bad and The Kinda Scary

  1. Sue says:

    Good for the sleeping and bad for the medical problems. I hope your doctors are able to figure something out.

  2. Rachel says:

    Not to overreact or anything, but since you are home alone with babies, have you considered one of those medical emergency alerts? My grandmother used to have one around her neck. It’s programmed to dial a number when you press the button – so you could just program it to H’s cell phone, I think.

    Very, very impressed with the sleeping through the night! Someday we’ll get there (and no, not referring to Mr. 2.0).

  3. melissa says:

    I think E started sleeping through the night around 8 months too and it was sooooo nice! I could enjoy her more during the day since I was sleeping better too. This is probably my favorite age! They’re mobile enough to get into stuff but not too mobile that you have to sprint in the middle of a grocery store after them. 🙂

    I hope your doctor appointments go well and that they figure out what is going on! I would anxious just not knowing.

  4. Tracy says:

    Scary stuff. I know you’ll keep us posted? I suffer from migraines, and have the visual issues, too. And you’re right, it does worry me that something will happen when I’m home alone with the kids and Scott is out of town.

    Oh, girl, and you are in for some fun in the months to come. Even though I was getting more sleep (finally!), the kids were C-RAZY from month 10-18. Like insane little people. Fun, but sometimes the heart stopping kind. 🙂

  5. Angela says:

    Love the pictures of your little monkeys. I think mine will be climbers too. Your medical stuff sounds super scary, I hope it turns out to be something simple and easy to fix. To me it sounds a little like panic too. My coworker has panic attacks in non-panic situations and also suffers from migraines with visual disturbances/ numbness. Perhaps it’s something related?

  6. lz says:

    Yay for sleeping through the night!

    But… oh that sounds freaky – remember that vertigo/dizzy period I had in grad school? I hope it’s nothing more serious than that and can be dealt with in a relatively straightforward manner. I know there’s little more frightening than your health taking a turn where you don’t know what’s wrong and you don’t know what to expect – I can’t even imagine with two little ones to take care of at the same time. Hopefully the month back home soon will be a relief if it’s stress or anxiety related.

    The ten-month photos are awesome! I love you and miss you and your cute little guys and H – my love to all of you!

  7. Samantha says:

    Good luck watching that climbing monkey! I’m glad to see that the twins are doing so well. Meanwhile, I’ll keep fingers crossed that you figure things out and that they are treatable and non-scary.

  8. kimbosue says:

    YAY for sleep!
    BOO for random sickness.

  9. Hey! Its your former BFF! I miss you. You’re busy! Me too. I swear I am proud to remember to brush my teeth most days.
    The dizzy spells are scary. Migraines, in general, are scary as hell. So add anything to that and it must be terrifying. I’m sorry.
    Jack seems like Cate. Fearless. Absolutely fearless. K jokes that we should go ahead and get reserved parking at the ER. Which is only 1/2 funny. Assvice-I read “Because Kids Matter…” and it helped me let go. Maybe you don’t need to “let go” but w/Cate I followed her around getting her off the shutters, mantles, …..that book taught me to let her experience the natural consequences of her actions-unless serious injuries are possible. So, she’s fallen from the back of the couch, island-she’s gotten stuck in her sister’s crib-and I haven’t rescued her. It’s saved me so much grief and she’s fallen a lot less lately.
    I really do miss you.

  10. Tara (TIMO) says:

    Wow, you have a lot going on right now. I will admit to being jealous of the sleeping through the night at 8m but also so very very happy for you.

    Both my boys are part Monkey. You will always be one step behind (literally and figuratively) with your baby-proofing. It’s all about keeping them from serious injuries. And both of my boys loved the video, especially the Henry one. We had to watch it 3 or 4 times in a row because Benjamin kept bawling the second it was done.

    I saw you posted an update on your health so I’ll go read that but yikes!

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