It seems as though the entire blogosphere is taking a collective break right now, everyone pulling back, taking a deep sigh, and either plunging back in with renewed vigor, or happily nodding off for a week or two of continued rest.
I don’t know quite where I fall on that spectrum. I’m finding hard to tap in to the energy reserves and re-engage myself with the community I so badly need right now.
Things are rough, and I’m tired, but I really think that everything will ultimately be okay, so I’m finding it hard to complain about anything. It’s like I know that by the time I manage to actually think through the things that are bothering me, they’ll be non-issues at that point.
But, in short, here it is:
1) I’m tired of not knowing what (if anything) is wrong with me. The cardiologist does not think it’s anything cardiac. Apparently, these sort of things usually are cardiac (fainting spells, though I haven’t actually passed out– yet), but they follow very specific patterns, and I do not fit in to those patterns. None the less, I get to wear a cardiac monitor for a month, just to make sure any presyncopal episodes aren’t coinciding with anything weird, heart-wise. I will see the neurologist Tuesday, and he may or may not have a new idea of what might be causing this. The good news is that I have had very few of these spells since last week, and the ones I’ve had have been quite mild. So, who knows… maybe they’ll just go away and I won’t have to worry about it.
2) H and I are bickering a lot lately. We each seem to want credit for the hard work that we do, but we are each finding it hard to give that credit to one another when we feel like our own contributions are going unnoticed. Anyone see the Catch-22 here? Yeah. And let’s be perfectly honest, we all know that no matter how much awesome work the papa puts in, it’s very rare that the mama is out-worked. Which means I’m feeling quite pissy lately, like I’m being taken for granted. Which means I’m a shitty spouse to H. Which means he feels unsupported. Which means I feel guilty because it’s one more damn thing that I need to add to my to-do list (1. Make sure boys are alive. 2. Make sure boys are relatively happy. 3. Make sure house is still standing. 4. Make sure husband is happy. 5. Blah, blah, etc. Yar, yar, yar, on down the list, till #233– Make sure mama is semi, sorta-kinda, basically healthy and if you have time, hope she’s sane, too. If sane and healthy (HAH), then maybe, possibly worry about whether or not she’s happy, but don’t actually bother putting this on your list, because you won’t ever, ever, EVER get down to this item because EVERYTHING else comes first…
3) I’m tired. After a decent spell wherein the babies were sleeping through till at least 5:00, they (well, HENRY…) decided that a 1:00 wake up was also in order. And they’ve been waking up earlier and earlier. And I’ve been the one waking up with them, which is exhausting. H tries, he really does, but they are still firmly in the “mama or no one” phase. It’s exhausting.
So. Whine, whine, whine. Everything will resolve itself (it somehow always does, before something new pops up to take it’s place…), but right now, I’m just a bit frustrated and finding myself not wanting to jump in with both feet, finding very little time to re-energize myself or to even just put a few paltry words on the page. Whine, whine, whine.
Anyhow, enough of that. I bought a small raised bed kit. In spite of the fact that I have the lumber to do it, and have been meaning to for years, I cannot seem to get around to building my own. I finally figured out that I was simply not going to do it, unless I had something easy-peasy that would assemble quickly. So, I bought a stupid kit. And I finally got it built on Saturday, and we went and bought plants for it and got them in the ground on Saturday as well. It’s small (4×4), so we had to really limit our selection of plants. We decided on yellow squash, pole beans and tomatoes. We’ve not had great luck with squash or beans in the past, but I’m always willing to try again. We also bought our annual crop of herbs for our front bed, but we haven’t gotten those in the ground yet. And we bought a blackberry vine, which also still needs to be planted. Anyhow, we’ll see how our garden turns out this year. I’m not expecting much, but I really just needed to get my hands in some dirt, get a garden going again, etc. We’ll be gone for all of June, so here’s hoping Mother Nature does her part and gives us a little water every now and then. Alternately, I’m thinking I might see if I can find someone locally who would do us a favor (for a little cash) and come by to water while we’re gone. We’ll see, we’ll see…
Also, there’s this:
Yeah, so each baby got one egg. They were both quite proud of their eggs, and it was really very cute watching Jack discover a bright plastic egg in a bush and snatch it to put in his basket. Henry didn’t so much get that he was supposed to take the egg and put it in his basket. He just looked at it, and looked at H like, “Um, yeah. That’s neato. What should I do with it?” Of course, once he had the egg in his hand and discovered that it made noise when he shook it, he was pretty psyched about the whole thing.
(I know, I know. What’s the “definitely-not-a-Christian-nor-a-pagan” doing celebrating Easter? H’s colleague invited us for dinner and an egg hunt with some other people and their kids, and since we didn’t have other plans and didn’t want to go to the hassle of doing a real egg hunt at our house for babies who don’t quite get it yet, we decided to join them. And it was fun.)
So, what about you? Did you do anything special for Easter? Any great garden plans this year? Where does taking care of yourself fall on your to-do list (even pre-kids, I have to admit I wasn’t high up on my own list…)? Anything else you need to comment on?