HAHAHA. Yeah, what a crock that title is. We leave tomorrow morning to head back to NC, and I’m nowhere NEAR ready. Soooo much packing to do. So many “Austin” things I wanted to do, but didn’t. It seems that even with a month in this city, there will never be enough time to do it all (especially with the added time constraints of Baby-Life).
We’ve been to the beach. We’ve been to the Alamo. We’re staying two nights in New Orleans on our drive back. We didn’t get to do everything we wanted to do while here, but we did get to do a LOT. H got a ton of work done while here, one article completely written and another almost done. All in all, this has been a great trip, I think.
What I didn’t get was enough time to comment on blogs and/or write my own posts. It seems that sometimes it comes down to a choice between living life or writing about it. And over and over again, the choice comes back to living it over talking about living it.
That said, this space is so important to me that I cannot imagine neglecting it any further than I already have over the last several months. So, this blog is not going away, but there are definitely some changes coming. I have been thinking so much about it, how important it is to share my story in a way that helps strangers, just like the countless other strangers whose blogs helped me so much on my journey. It is important to have this way to connect with strangers, strangers who so often become friends.
But… it has also become increasingly important to protect my story. I keep this as a way to document my life, mostly as it regards our efforts to build our family. I talk about things here that I do not feel comfortable talking about in real life. I need the pseudo-anonymity of this blog to allow me to talk freely about issues I encounter as a parent-after-infertility. Real life friends are great. I love having people in my life that I cherish. And I really don’t mind most of them reading this story, because (if asked) I’d probably share most of these details with them anyway.
There are just some real-life people with whom I do not want to share this part of my life. And I wish that those people, people who have found this space without my knowledge, would respect that. I know that the nature of a blog is that it IS public, and that if I do not want my story read by just anyone, I should take more effort to protect it. So yes. One year later, and we’re back to that… Public blogs cannot allow you to have much control over who accesses your story. And I cannot trust that people who may accidentally find this space (people who KNOW that I don’t want them to be reading it) will respect the intense need I have for connection with the infertility community, and NOT keep reading my story here.
I don’t yet know what I will do. I imagine password-protection (or perhaps an increased number of PWP posts), but I’m not sure yet. In the mean time, please forgive my silence. I just don’t feel comfortable writing here right now, knowing that there is someone reading with whom I don’t want to share this part of my life.