So, there’s this dowel rod we use to keep the couch cover tidily tucked in to the back of the loveseat in the playroom. It’s pretty firmly wedged between the seat back and seat bottom of the couch. Never-the-less, the boys have figured out how to fish it out from between the cushions, and ownership of this dowel is a hotly contested thing. Both boys slept just long enough in the 5 minute car ride home from the library today that they refused to go down for a nap when we got home. And so, as I sit on the loveseat typing this, in a room full of fascinating and age-appropriate toys, both boys are standing beside me on the couch, tugging on opposite ends of the dowel and screaming bloody murder at each other, because, “IT’S MINE!” “NO, MINE!” WAAAAAAAAH, I want this random 3 foot long stick and furthermore, I DON’T WANT HIM TO TOUCH IT!
Yeah, boys, it’s gonna be a long, long life for you if you don’t learn to get over that whole “my brother is touching this thing I am also touching and it makes me mad” thing. Really, really long.
This is pretty much the story of my life now, life with one-year-old twins: nap refusals, bickering, arched-back screaming, not-gonna-share-it-EVER-ing, and even occasional biting and smacking.
But, my life is also two babies who want to snuggle pretty much constantly, who, when they aren’t bickering, actually cooperate pretty well (Henny makes a pretty good step stool for Mr. Daredevil Climbing Monkey), who make funny noises, who know it’s funny when they do so, and do it often to make me laugh, and who are generally really delightful creatures to be around. Despite having a constant back ache, and feeling like I’ve been reduced to constant referee status, I so frequently find myself stepping back and noticing how very, very much I love this whole motherhood thing. And I love it in a way I wasn’t so sure I ever would when I first brought the babies home, in those early, hazy, delusionally-exhausting first couple of months. I really wondered often whether this whole kid thing was really such a great idea, whether I was genuinely happier post-kid than I was pre-kid. A year ago, I couldn’t confidently answer that question one way or the other, because DAMN. Life with infant twins is FUCKING HARD.
But. BUT, though it is still hard in all new ways, it is also massively rewarding in all new ways. I just love these boys so much, and love getting the chance to care for them. I think I really can confidently answer the question of happiness now with a resounding YES, I am so much happier now than I was before I had kids. There are things I miss about life pre-kid, but nothing that stands out as more rewarding than the early morning double cuddle that starts my day now.
So scream away, boys. You have to sleep sometime, and until then, I’ll just try to laugh at these new ways you exert your growing individuality.